The Incredible Shrinking Woman

Hello everyone.  I have been MIA for a long time, sorry about that.  Life came at us hard this year and I put my weight loss on the back burner.  Because of that I gained 15 lbs, which I have lost 5 lbs already.  But gaining is not fun!  Ok the eating part is fun for a while, but when the pants get tight, it sucks!  It also sucks that this is something I will have to manage for the rest of my life.  I have to be conscious of what I am eating for eternity.  I know that.  I don’t want to accept it, but I have to.  Darnit!

So there’s been a lot of stuff going on here.   We are coming out of the darkness I believe.  We have been struggling financially, but thats getting better now, thank God.  We had lots of sickness in the winter, my daughter had surgery, my husband is going to have surgery, I injured my back, the list goes on and on.  Its been stressfull, but we are making it.

I started online schooling.  Going to class was way to hard, so I could only do 1 class per week.  That would take me way to long to complete my degree.  I got 2 A’s in my last classes, yehaw!  That was a great confidence boost.  I also got a part time job to help payoff our debts.  I am working 2x a week in the morning at Old Navy, stocking the shelves with clothes before the store opens.  Not my career choice, for sure, but its a job and we need the extra money right now. 

Sorry again for being mia.  I just didn’t feel like spilling my problems out at the time, but I’m feeling better now and not so overwhelmed. 

My poor baby had her tonsils and adnoids out yesterday.  Yesterday was a breeze compared to today!!!  Trying to reason with a cranky 3 year old is not fun!  She spit her medicine out all over, poor thing was in so much pain.  I called the surgeon at 4 am since she was crying so much it made her cough ( a no no!).  He said if she didn’t drink something or take her meds we would have to admit her to the ER to get an i.v.  Well we succeeded in pinning her down (not fun), but its tough love right now.  She is going to be better soon, I feel bad for her.  Its been a lazy day watching movies with her, I don’t mind that part of it.  Now the ice cream part, I’m having issues with!!! 

We are on track to have our house ready to list next week.  My DH and I are very excited and at peace about this.  We LOVE our house we are in, its just too much money for us.  We have huge plans and goals, and this house payment doesn’t fit into it.  So its a big step of faith, but we are excited and feel like its going to be a whole new beginning.

Our court date in Monday for our tenant.  He has been MIA, but I would be too if I lived somewhere for 4 months for free.  We are praying we can sell that house asap for a quick sale price.  We won’t make any money, but as long as we don’t have to keep paying that mortgage thats great with me.

I am still going to college.  I am considering online schools, the schedule of going to a community college is hard, and I can’t see myself being gone for more than 1 night a week.  Ill keep youposted!

My food this week, good and HORRIBLE.  I am self medicating with food, again.  I’m aware of it, and I am ready for my routine to be back.  But now it is spring break for the kids and I am home with them all day, and my dd is recovering.  I’ll have to sneak away!

Well dd is needing me.  Wanted to keep you posted!

hi buddies, I haven’t been around in a while.  Its been sucky here to say the least.  I want you to all know I am here  still, I will be around again soon.  Whew!!!  i made it before, now we are on the crazyness again.  OMG!!  But God is in control and I have to give it to him.  Here’s a low down of whats going on here:

1. My daughter is having surgery tomorrow for tonsils and adnoids

2.  We are preparing our house to move into a different city

3.  Being a business owner isn’t easy.  We have been having a hard time getting people to pay us!

4.  Family DRAMA!!!  My FIL is a jerk, you all know that if you have read my blogs before.  We are moving into a smaller house so we can get our own health insurance and be out of his money control.  Its a bad thing to be in.  But we are determined to get out of it!

5.  We are evicting our tenant, we have ANOTHER court date next monday.  He has been in there for 3.5 months without paying a dime of rent, or utilities.  He is a total LOSER!!  We are then going to try to sell that house.  OMG!

So thats what is going on.  Its hard but we see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Weight loss and exercise haen’t been a priority right now, we are kinda in survival mode.  But thats ok.  I haven’t gained, I’m not out of control.  Thats OK!

Talk to youall soon, thanks for checking out my blog!

OMG last week was the most horrible week ever!!!  My kids both went to the doctor 3 times!!! YES thats right people, 3 times within the last few weeks!!!  They both had strep 2x!!  They both then got ear infections!!  They both got a huge cold!  They were the sickest little kids known to man!!!  Finally they are on the mend.  My poor son wouldn’t respond to his medicine, so finally after trying another kind he is getting back to normal.  It was a long week, I was worn out, but I didn’t get sick.  I have some superior immune system or something.  I think eating healthy has made a huge difference for sure!

So since my whole fam was sick, I haven’t been able to work out for weeks.  Its been sooooooooo sucky that I haven’t been able to (DH had strep also).  But things are looking up and I think I can get back into my routine this week.  THANK GOD!!!

I’m washing the sheets and cleaning the “sickness” out of my house today.  I love getting everythng clean after people are finally better.

So just a short one today.  Gotta run!

BLAH!!  I can’t take this anymore!!!  THe snow, the cold, everyone in the house sick (except me).  Its been a hard winter.  We have a 14 inch snowfall 2 weeks ago, tomorrow is calling for maybe another 12.  OMG!!  I’m so fed up with snow!!!!  My birthday is on the 22nd, and last year I was sick on my birthday.  I’m crossing my fingers that I won’t be sick, cuz so far everyone else has had it except me.  I’m making sure I take my vitamins!!  I only got 1 workout in this week, and when I went today I didn’t feel 100%, so maybe I’ll just be a little sick.  My dh and dd have a fever, my dd and ds both had streph, my dd had it 2x since the dr gave her the wrong dose of medicine!!  I was fuming!!!  Anyway, now I am switching her to another dr, I wanted to for a while but just never did it.  Well that was the last straw buddy!!  UGH!!!

So on a lighter note, we paid off our van, and now we are officially owners of BOTH of our cars.  WHOHOO!!!  Now we are working on paying off all our debts except our house, and we should get that done within the next month or 2.  THis has been a few years in the making so we are finally in the climax of it all.   Thank God!!!

Our rental property is a real NIGHTMARE to say the least.  For those who don’t know, my dh bought a house 2 years ago to flip, you know fix up and sell and make money.  Well no one would buy it so we had to rent it out.  Bad mistake #1, buying a 2nd house with credit.  BAD IDEA, never again.  So we rented it to a family, and eventually evicted them, they left the house in shambles; filled with junk, things broken, they cost us about $3000 in late payments and clean up fees.  There’s no way to get the money back.  Now we have a new tenant who seemed like a nice guy, but hes a LOSER!!  Complete LOSER!!  He is already 2 months past due on his rent, so he owes for Jan and Feb, and he REFUSES to put the utilities in his name.  So he told us he would give us a deposit and if we put it in our name he would pay every month.  Well he never gave us a deposit, and so its not in anyones name now.  We are going to the courthouse on Tuesday, since Monday is a holiday, and filing the evictions papers.  He’s already been given his notice from us, and he has one excuse after another.  He really needs to grow up and stop making excuses and pay up.  Its such a headache, but hopefully we can get him out of our lives soon.  Then we hope we can put the home upf or sale (vacant) in march and sell it below market.  We gave up on making any money on it since the market is crap, so if we could just get rid of it it would be great!!!  UGH!!!

So my dh and I seem to learn lots of lessons, gosh!!!  But it will be out of our lives soon.

My school is going great.  My human services class is great, I love it.  We have to volunteer 18 hours during our sememster at a grade school that is in the poor side of town.  I go in every friday morning for 2 hours.  Its been an eye opening expereince.  Some of the kids wear dirty clothes or need a bath really bad; one little boy told me how his dad is in jail.  It broke my heart; I wanted to cry.  Buy I knew I was  positive influence that they needed.  It was hard to see, but it is reality.  VOlunteering is a great thing, you all should try it.

Take care all!

So I’m loving my food journal, its been my little light every day.  I now know how much I am eating, and I can look up my foods on calorieking.com and see if I want to use up that much for a splurge.  Its great.  I feel a new sense of freedom with my food journal, I feel like if I do go off program, its alright because I can’t gain 1 lb by just eating an extra 300 calories in one day.  I can however gain 1 lb by thinking I am eating within my calories, but actually eating 1-200 calories more per day.  Thats quite a significant thing!!!

 So yesterday I wasn’t able to workout when my kids were at school.  DH ran out of gas and needed my assistance, so I spent the whole time helping him so I was frustrated, and I really wanted ice cream last night.  But I resisted, and I am SO GLAD this morning that I did.  Thats what I still forget about.  The joy of NOT eating that food.  We often think of resisting food as torture!  Don’t we??  But the joy inside of knowing that I was in control and I don’t have regret inside of me is a lot better feeling than the sugar rush after eating a blizzard.  Plus I don’t have the regret in the morning too, especially when it is weigh in day!  Remember that when you want that extra something.  The good feeling only lasts for as long as that food is in your mouth, that doesn’t seem worth it!!!  Knowing the long term rewards are something I want instead of the quick fix food/shopping/etc.  The joy of knowing I did the healthiest thing for me is a huge step in the right direction.

I did get to the gym this morning, I had tons of time to since mydd woke up at 5:30.  Thats too early for a saturday!!!   My dd has her first birthday party she’s been invited to from her preschool, so that should be interesting.  She’s at a transitional stage now, where she is independant and listening SOMETIMES and sometimes she a crazy 3 year old.  It should be a fun time.  Ok I am NOT eating cake, just a little disclaimer so I can hold myself accoutable!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Ever have one of those days where you just look in the mirror and all your hard work finally sinks in??  I am having one of those days (amazing considering TOM is here!).  But I looked at myself today and I am tiny.  Ok not hollywood tiny, but I am the average sized woman.  This is amazing.  At my highest I was 305, so being “average” isn’t just average for me, its amazing.  I am still working out, counting my calories (did bad this weekend, my ds birthday), but I am still on track with a healthy lifestyle.  And I guess I realized that I can be happy where I am now.  I am happy!!!  I feel great!!!  Why is it when we don’t see the dream weight on the scale we don’t give ourselves the credit we deserve??  I decided to make a list of things that have changed in the last few years for me since losing over 100 lbs.  Its something I need to remind myself of daily. 

1.  Being able to fit into booths at restaurants

2.  Shopping at any store in the regular section!

3.  Like having my picture taken!

4.  Not gasping for air when I take a walk

5.  Being able to walk up the stairs with ease

6.  Normal blood tests

7.  Not having a limited wardrobe!

9.  Enjoying clothes shopping!

10.  Running into old friends and them not recognizing me!

11.  Being a good example for my kids

12.  Learning how to show my feelings instead of stuffing them with food

13.  Washing my hands and not having my belly fall into the sink (just about!)

14.  Having more self confidence

15.  Making my family proud

16.  Being an inspiration

I know that I’ve come a long way, and it is ok for me to get to my goal weight.  But even if the scale doesn’t budge, I am healthy and happy and that sometimes is good enough for me!

This week I’ve taken up journaling my food, and what an eye opening experience it has been.  Eating my 1600 or less calories is really a lot less food than I was eyeballing.  I never really knew how much I was eating, even if it was healthy food, I was eating too much.  So I am feeling more in control and excited because I know what the reason for my plateau has been.  Its just been too much food, so I am staying under 1600, for the most part, and getting in my water and exercising 3x a week.  I am also accountable to someone outside of here, so that helps just having someone who doesn’t mind listening to my diet woes and cheers.

It’s been so great being able to journal on here and pour out my thoughts, my victories, my defeats, all my emotions.  In real life we can’t just talk to our friends all day long about our struggles with food, they don’t want to hear it!!  But on here, you do want to hear it, thanks for listening!!!  Its really helped me to be aware daily of my food, the reasons why I need to be aware, and the reminder that I always have to be aware.  I will never have a healthy relationship with food.  I’ve accepted that, as sucky as it is.  BUT I am working towards having more of a relationship instead of an obsession!

So what do you think the topic of this blog is??  I am starting to journal my food again, and what an eye opening experience it is.  I have been eating WAY too much food, even if it was good food, it was too much food.  No wonder why I have been yo yoing this much.  So I feel liberated and free, knowing that I am in control now.  I am also going to watch what I eat out.  Last night we had japanese, and instead of the hibachi I had sushi, which couldn’t be better for me.  So I felt good about that decision.  And I stopped eating after 8:00, the time when I am most vulerable to overeating!!!!  Yeah me!!!  Remember, progress not perfection.  If we tell ourself that we have to be perfect, well we are just setting ourselves up for failure.  We can’t have these unrealistic expectations for ourself.  If we fail, we kinda already knew we would, but then we start the vicious eating cycle.  So I re-evaluated what I was doing, made a choice, and I am turning the other way.   Thanks Jo for always telling me the truth!

So my kids are feeling better, the strep throat is about gone.   The kids should be in school tomorrow, so i can get some time away from them.  Aaaaahhhhhhh, that sounds good.  I was looking forward to going to my class tonight, but it was cancelled.  There are blizzard like conditions here.  The city is in shut down just about.  This winter is brutal!

Well peeps, I gotta get my dinner on the table (turkey sloppy joes and oven fries).  Hopefully tomorrow the weather will be ok and I can hit the Y early!!!  I haven’t exercised this week because of the kids, but I am determined to get in my 3x this week!

That scale can be evil, it can change my mood for the day.  I haven’t stepped on it this week, and I won’t until Sunday.  My weight normally fluctuates day to day, and weighing day to day isn’t a real indicator of how I am doing.  One of my buddies commented on how even if we aren’t losing, we are still doing great long term health benefits for our bodies by exercising.  So my scale is getting put in time out.  I am tired of it ruling my emotions.  Can I get a Hell Ya??!! 

So anyway, its a sick ward here at the compound (our house).  Both kids have strep throat, and then I found out my son all of a sudden is allergic to amoxicillin (totally misspelled I’m sure!).  He broke out in hives right after he took it, so finally I got some new meds in him and some benedryl.  We all managed to take a nap this afternoon, I needed one after my daughter got up at 4:30.  I’m not THAT much of a morning person!!!

So my routine was off to a bad start this week.  I usually exercise MWF so M is gone.  So maybe if the kiddies sleep good tonight and are on the mend, I will get my first exercise session in tomorrow morning.  If not then Wed.  Again, progress not perfection!!  Not going to the gym is NOT a reason to eat cookies all!!!!  Yes and I did NOT eat cookies!!

So thanks all for the comments on my last blog.  I have taken action and bought a little notebook to log my calories and my food intake.  I eat good for my meals, but snacks have been a issue, so now that I know in my head how much I have eaten calorie wise its harder for me to use more calories on a snack.  Kinda the same concept as carrying cash around instead of using a debit card.  You always know how much you have left and don’t go over your limit!!!  Hey I just thought of that little one, it will help me for sure!

So everyone, I’m not discouraged, I’m dissapointed for sure, but the scale will move, and I can’t be controlled by it.  Its not coming out until Sunday.  You are in time out buddy!